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Nature Girl

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Nature Girl

A fully loaded, riotous and righteous, non-stop hilarious novel from Carl Hiaasen. Honey Santana is embarking on a scheme to help rid the world of irresponsibility, indifference, and dinnertime...
A fully loaded, riotous and righteous, non-stop hilarious novel from Carl Hiaasen. Honey Santana is embarking on a scheme to help rid the world of irresponsibility, indifference, and dinnertime...
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Description-
  • A fully loaded, riotous and righteous, non-stop hilarious novel from Carl Hiaasen. Honey Santana is embarking on a scheme to help rid the world of irresponsibility, indifference, and dinnertime telemarketers. She’s taking gullible, rude, telemarketer Boyd Shreave and his less-than-enthusiastic mistress, Eugenie, into the Ten Thousand Island Wildlife Refuge off the coast of southeast Florida for a gentle lesson in civility.

Excerpts-
  • From the book

    One

    On the second day of January, windswept and bright, a half-blood Seminole named Sammy Tigertail dumped a dead body in the Lostmans River. The water temperature was fifty-nine degrees, too nippy for sharks or alligators.

    But maybe not for crabs, thought Sammy Tigertail.

    Watching the corpse sink, he pondered the foolishness of white men. This one had called himself Wilson when he arrived on the Big Cypress reservation, reeking of alcohol and demanding an airboat ride. He spoke of ringing in the New Year at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino, which was owned by the Seminole tribe on eighty-six acres between Miami and Fort Lauderdale. Wilson told Sammy Tigertail that he'd been sorely disappointed not to find a single Indian at the casino, and that after a full night of drinking, hot babes and seven-card stud he'd driven all the way out to Big Cypress just to get himself photographed with a genuine Seminole.

    "Some dumbass bet me a hundred bucks I couldn't find one," Wilson said, slinging a flabby arm around Sammy Tigertail, "but here you are, brother. Hey, where can I buy one of them cardboard cameras?"

    Sammy Tigertail directed Wilson toward a convenience store. The man returned with a throwaway Kodak, a bag of beef jerky and a six-pack. Mercifully, the airboat engine was so loud that it drowned out most of Wilson's life story. Sammy Tigertail heard enough to learn that the man was from the greater Milwaukee area, and that for a living he sold trolling motors to walleye fishermen.

    Ten minutes into the ride, Wilson's cheeks turned pink from the chill and his bloodshot eyes started leaking and his shoulders hunched with the shakes. Sammy Tigertail stopped the airboat and offered him hot coffee from a thermos.

    "How 'b-b-bout that picture you promised?" Wilson asked.

    Sammy Tigertail patiently stood beside him as the man extended one arm, aiming the camera back at them. Sammy Tigertail was wearing a fleece zip-up from Patagonia, a woolen navy watch cap from L.L. Bean and heavy khakis from Eddie Bauer, none of which would be considered traditional Seminole garb. Wilson asked Sammy Tigertail if he had one of those brightly beaded jackets and maybe a pair of deerskin moccasins. The Indian said no.

    Wilson instructed him not to smile and snapped a couple of pictures. Afterward, Sammy Tigertail cranked up the airboat and set out to finish the swamp tour at the highest-possible speed. Because of the cold weather there was practically no wildlife to be observed, but Wilson didn't seem to mind. He'd gotten what he came for. Squinting against the wind, he gnawed a stick of dried beef and sipped on a warm Heineken.

    Sammy Tigertail took a shortcut through a prairie of tall saw grass, which flattened under the airboat's bow as neatly as wheat fields beneath a combine. Without warning, Wilson arose from his seat and dropped the beer bottle, spraying the deck. As Sammy Tigertail backed off the throttle, he saw Wilson begin to wobble and snatch at his own throat. Sammy Tigertail thought the man was gagging on a chunk of jerky, but in fact he was trying to remove from his doughy neck a small banded water snake that had sailed out of the parting reeds.

    The creature was harmless, but evidently Wilson was in no condition to be surprised by a flying reptile. He dropped stone-dead of a heart attack before his Seminole guide could get the boat stopped.

    The first thing that Sammy Tigertail did was lift the little snake off the lifeless tourist and release it into the marsh. Then he took Wilson's left wrist and groped for a pulse. Sammy Tigertail felt obliged to unbutton the man's shirt and pound on his marbled chest for...

Reviews-
  • AudioFile Magazine Carl Hiaasen fills his novels with some of the strangest characters in fiction--and makes them work. NATURE GIRL is set in the Florida beyond Miami and Disney World, where people like Honey Santana and half-Seminole Sammy Tigertail live quiet, peculiar existences. Night telemarketer Boyd Shreave has insulted Honey with a real estate phone pitch, and she plots a bizarre revenge that brings the three characters together. Narrator Lee Adams adeptly performs the many roles in the book and makes them all seem real, though her teenager is a bit over the top in vapidness. Listeners will hate and love the appropriate people, all the time rooting for the quirky losers. M.S. (c) AudioFile 2007, Portland, Maine
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    Peer-to-peer usage: 
    Not permitted
    All copies of this title, including those transferred to portable devices and other media, must be deleted/destroyed at the end of the lending period.

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